G’day, folks. A shorter post today, but don’t let the lack of paragraphs fool you. This is one of the best. I was able to tick ‘Afternoon tea at Sketch’ off my ‘Teas To Taste With Bankruptcy Nigh’ bucket list during the halcyon days of 2021, back when we could still afford to eat and didn’t need an overdraft to boil the kettle. Sadly, being the sort of blogger who writes better in their head and is often distracted by shiny objects, I put writing about this experience on the backburner where it simmered to the point of evaporation. Almost. Whilst recently sorting through photographs on my phone, I realised that this was an experience too good to remain forever trapped in The Cloud.
Tag: SconesintheCity
Scones Away From Home: A Glorious Glutton’s Guide to Brighton & The Royal Pavilion
Where do Londoners go when they temporarily tire of being Londoners? That’s a tricky one. We want a break from the business, but still require stimulus. We crave sea air and unobstructed views, but still need our daily fix of bubble tea and Quinoa (it’s our life juice). What’s a city dweller to do? The answer: London-by-the-Sea. Yes, I’m sure the proud residents of Brighton and Hove would bulk at my glib declaration that their East Sussex gem was considered by prats like me to be the thirty-third London borough, but to me that is the ultimate compliment. I adore it.
Afternoon Calami-Tea! AVOID! The Bailey’s Hotel Review, South Kensington
Afternoon, folks. You join me on a great day. I am about to capture an afternoon tea experience like no other. We are venturing to Gloucester Road to The Bailey’s Hotel, an “iconic” four star Victorian townhouse where guests can enjoy, and I quote:
“A refined afternoon tea, which is sure to please your taste buds. The combination of British charm and Victorian grandeur ensure a memorable afternoon tea in South Kensington”.
Sounds just the ticket. Fair enough, I wasn’t aware of this “iconic” hotel before I made the reservation, but that’s not important. Bars in Blackpool used to label themselves world famous all the time and even the postman hadn’t heard of them. What is important is that my mother and I are off to enjoy quality mother-daughter time together, mostly involving her telling me to wipe all of my cutlery on a napkin and put plenty of paper down before I use the toilet. You know; girl talk.
Oh, You Little Teas! Tea Darling – Acton
Afternoon, folks. I came across this sweet spot during a rare trip to replenish my biscuit collection and thought I would report in (I usually pay over the odds for a cousin of The Stig to deliver groceries on the back of his Deliveroo bike, but I was passing through on the bus and had a sudden hankering for double cream Oreos. I think we’ve all been there). So, I made a detour into the main shopping area of Acton which is… er, it’s quite… er, I mean, it’s very… er… Look, no one visiting London is going to make a beeline for Acton. There isn’t an Acton tourist centre. It isn’t overburdened with blue plaques or historical sites or a faded grandeur which can characterise other districts of London (hiya, Streatham!). Acton High Street is a fully functioning, practical, utilitarian street where you can buy a shower hose, a bottle of Tixylix and a box of Mieszko Michaszki chocolates without having to take three separate tube journeys to find them.
Afternoon Tea Review: London Landmarks, Town House, South Kensington + A Tantalising Tour of Tower Bridge
Hello again, folks. Today we are indulging the London Landmarks tea at the Town House, Kensington. As the name suggests, this is a themed tea commemorating the landmarks that make up London’s Iconic skyline. Actually, they don’t commemorate them exactly. If we were to accurately portray them as they have been the last few years Big Ben would be surrounded by Twiglets representing scaffolding and the phone box would be decorated with cards of naked women with a river of pee dribbling from the bottom. Personally, I’d have preferred something a bit more obscure. The Whitgift Center, Croydon, carved out of marzipan, perhaps. The Vagina Museum, Camden, sculpted from an avocado with the pit removed etc. But that would attract a pretty niche market of one, so here we are, eating a praline Gerkin and living it large
Afternoon Tea Review: The Diamond Jubilee Tea Salon, Fortnum & Mason + Hard Rock Café Vault Tour – Piccadilly
Happy 2022, teaholics! Do I have the perfect post to kickstart the new year. I’ve enjoyed many a afternoon tea and will continue to do so till I am forced to take a sideline gig on OnlyFans dedicated to knee porn, but I suspect that this is the peak of my tea-drinking dalliances. This is the afternoon tea by which all other teas will be judged. It’s Fortnum’s, folks, and it’s a showstopper
Scones In The City 